Haircuts are a Celebration!

My “hair lady” is back from maternity leave!! This is much cause for celebration! For the last 8 years, this woman has worked magic & supported my tresses as only she can. I’m sure you all have “the one” that does your hair better than another so you can understand how liberating it is to get your hair done by them! However, getting my hair CUT in itself is a celebration- it means I actually HAVE hair that can be cut!!

Ever since I learned how, I’ve been particular about my hair. Let no wind, rain, tousling, etc. flatten my perfectly poofed crown! My brother-in-law even referred to me as “Troll” due to my high hair & 5ft. stature. I still won’t go out in public without my hair done. No get-out-of-bed & leave for me! So imagine how I reacted when that hair all started falling out…

My husband & I own a convenience store & had an opportunity to go to Mexico in January of 2016- & we took it! It was the first trip like this for either of us & the first trip without our daughters. I run the business & my husband works another job. I experienced increased anxiety and this vacation was just what was needed! We were enjoying the sun & relaxing & NO responsibilities- as was expected! One of the days after I had showered, Scott went in to use the toilet. I will always remember his comment & the subsequent conversation… & the next 3 years…

He said, “You sure shed a lot.” I was like “Huh?” He said, “You shed a lot. Look at all the hair in the bottom of the tub. I haven’t noticed that at home.”

I went & looked & was also very surprised. I didn’t think much else of it- we were on vacation & I didn’t have my tri-fold mirror to perfect my hair. Besides, no one knew me there!

Scott & I on our last night in Mexico.

Upon returning home, my tri-fold mirror revealed a bald spot on the back right side of my head… not just a small spot either. This was tennis-ball sized & growing daily. I messaged my “hair lady” with a picture. “Did you notice anything when you did my hair before I left?” “No!” she replied. “You need to see a Doctor.” I was fatigued & irritable & scared. I was convinced it was cancer of some kind & I worked tirelessly to convince myself that I would be around to raise my daughters & grow old with my husband.

All the blood tests that my doctor did revealed one thing: I was as healthy as could be.

I was referred to a dermatologist for final diagnosis. I asked about stress/anxiety & the role it could be playing (because let’s be real- I Googled that sh^&). I was told there was no direct link, but if I was experiencing high stress, to work to reduce that. I asked about changing my diet- would Whole 30 be the answer? Could I survive Whole 30?? No wine, no chocolate? That in itself was punishment! I was ultimately given a diagnosis of Alopecia Areata. I would then spend the next 2 years losing my hair, having my husband shave my head & steroid injections in my scalp too numerous to count while watching it grow back. I read books & blogs & tried to connect with other people in the Alopecia community for support. The second time it became evident I was going to lose my hair, I went to my “hair lady” with a friend, a bottle of wine & some tears while I watched her shave my head & then slightly customize my new wig.

Picture #1 is me in my new hair April 2016. Picture #2 is the after effects of an appointment at the dermatologist & a round of injections in my head April 2017. Picture #3 is me in my new hair June 2017. 

Fast forward to November 2017 & my hair was thinning again. I had a bald spot about the size of a ping-pong ball in one area & one about the size of a quarter in another. I thought “Here we go again.” I was experiencing the same fatigue & irritability. I was on the phone with my step-mother arguing about Thanksgiving (again, like every year) & I had my first REAL panic attack. I’m thankful at this point that I have only experienced one of those & I hope that I have things under control now to not go through that again. However, the next day, I wasn’t ok. I just wasn’t. I called my doctors office & asked to be seen right away. I was put on an anti-anxiety medication- something I was afraid to do for too long, for all the wrong reasons.

I’m a HUGE believer in mental health support & asking for help & believe that it’s ok to not be ok. Anxiety & depression run in my family & while it took too much “work” to bring it forward along with family stressors, I am acknowledging it & work through it daily. My bald spots stopped growing after I started that medication & I haven’t experienced any new ones. I truly believe that stress & anxiety were the causes of my hair-loss all long.

So stop & think about that. A perfectly healthy 35 year old woman who works out 5 days a week, drinks ample amounts of water, eats salads prepped in mason jars (& gets picked on about it) & who by all accounts is HAPPY- lost all of her hair from too much anxiety.

That’s heavy.

Stress & anxiety are very capable of wrecking total havoc on our physical selves, not just our mental & emotional ones. By all means, I beg you, ask for help! I still take a daily medication. I bullet journal, I read a daily devotional & say my prayers (both of which are newer to me). I make more of an effort to STOP working- be it my business or the housework- & enjoy time with my kids. I learned to say NO to the things that added to my anxiety instead of alleviating it… I’m still learning to walk away. I choose to surround myself with people who are supportive & encouraging & who are just all-around amazing.

Me today- & that hair is MINE 🙂

So the next time you go in to get your hair cut, think about all of those people that can’t. Think about the women like me. Think about the cancer patient. Think about the person with Alopecia. Think about how something so “normal” to most people, is literally a celebration for others. Then throw a quick “Thanks” to the higher power you believe in & ask yourself if you’re doing all you can to control the anxiety & stress in your life before the anxiety & stress controls you.

All my love,

Jenni

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